no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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