whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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