Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
