she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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