I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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