tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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