You just made me feel so damn special
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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