I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
