That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
