I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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