you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
