It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You ruined the universe
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
