Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You smell like stripper and shame
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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