Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
