I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
