I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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