eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
