she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
did you just send me my own nude
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
