in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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