dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
