i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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