I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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