Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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