Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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