there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
