But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
