I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We are all done wearing pants today
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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