you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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