brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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