I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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