Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
