So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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