My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
did you just send me my own nude
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
