i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
