Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
