Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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