He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
well you can't waste a boner
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
