you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
