yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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