Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
