then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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