is your mom at the bar?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
