i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
