So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
