i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
