I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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