The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
