Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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