so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
