Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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